Who needs enemies when you have friends like Issy?

Okay, so two guys walk into a bar, the third one drives a toyota to the gas station. Sound familiar? Before we talk about finishing our bus tour, here's how we started the day:

1. Somebody slipped us a roofie, cause we could NOT get up this morning. We finally dragged our tired butts out of bed at 10am (for those of you who know us, this is quite late) to shower and get ready. It takes a while to fancy ourselves up properly for the Paris streets, but we were out and looking for a bakery by 10:30.

2. Bakery found. Accidentally passed on a "frommage" pastry (CHEESE!!! who knew?), but got some delicious "pommes" (apple) pastries and fruits. Luckily they also sold sandwiches, so we bought some of those for later even though Lovely almost ate hers for breakfast. (It was chicken salad with a delicious curry sauce...who can blame her?)

3. Ate breakfast in park under observation of creepy homeless man/woman. Who collected our trash bag for undisclosed reasons. Almost left with souvenir French child. WAY too cute to pass up.

4. Direct quote from Lovely "With expert Metro skills arrived immediately, without fault, at Musee d'Orsay. Not ONE misstep. Begin embellishment." Apparently that last part was for me. So, the Musee d'Orsay is AWESOME!! It looks like the world's LARGEST and most BEAUTIFUL train station. Inside are all kinds of famous and important artworks including these highlights: several pieces by Seaurat (Lovely's favorites), lots of pieces by Degas (Lady Whitehouse's favorites), and a bad-ass model of the Paris Opera House that the architect constructed to convince people to let him build it. It's basically a tiny model that is to scale and cut in half BUT (the best part), under your feet is a replica of Paris showing how BEAUTIFULLY the Opera house fits in with the surrounding architecture. Too cute.

5. Tried to get a cup of coffee, ended up with half a mouthwash cup of "espresso" and a can of Coke Light. Total sum: 5 Euro. Bitch, please.

6. Ring situation to be discussed later.

7. Decided it was time to eat again, so we stopped to eat our sandwiches in the Tuilleries (sp?). Basically the gardens behind the Louvre. They had lots of potential, but it being cold as the inside of Mama Ayres' deep freezer, nothing was blooming. We think there was a bronzed tree though.

8. En route to the Orangerie (another museum behind the Louvre), a man "found" a gold ring right next to us. Second time that this happened in the last hour. Very tricky. It's not a pretty gold ring either. It's a big ol giant man gold ring that they look utterly shocked to have found. And then offer to you like you dropped it. Because Lovely and I wear men's gold wedding rings all the time. Weird how it doesn't fit them either (which they show you repeatedly). Obviously they did not take a look at Lovely's tiny circus hands. BUT it's 24karat gold which they also show you repeatedly. Not sure how this trick gets me seperate from my money, but we knew it was going to happen somehow. So we held tight to the bag and walked quickly away.

9. The Orangerie: circular Monet's, CHECK. Museum pass: finally scanned. We basically got into the Louvre twice for free, since they barely glance at the thing. We are thinking of re-selling them.

10. Next: back to the Louvre. It's basically like trying to get into the Pentagon (NOT). You walk up into a glass security room where there is a walk-through metal detector and bag x-ray machine. Also 2 security guards. Everyone before is scanned HEAVILY. As we walk in the door, one guard leaves. Lady Whitehouse proceeds to put the bag (GIANT bag full of pipe bombs) onto the xray scanner, at which time, security guard two pops his head out the door to ask someone for a smoke. Bag scans through machine as Lovely sets off metal detector, totally unnoticed. No one even turns their head as we walk into the world's most IMPORTANT museum. Why are we so obviously not terrorists? Next time, I'm wearing a Berka.

11. We decided to wander a while, and during our wandering, stumbled upon a delicious bakery and a beautiful church: St Eustace. The bakery provided us with a chocolate and pistachio pastry and some gourmet chocolates filled with things that were explained to us by a friendly French person. St Eustace was a better experience for us than Notre Dame. It was more genuine and obviously loved. There were beautiful pieces inside the church (including a Keith Haring triptych..weird), and one interesting chapel with a sculpture that looked like puppets in a French market. We also POTENTIALLY saw a dead appendage in a glass box. We're not sure because we couldn't find a good vantage point.

12. Waited AN HOUR for our bus to show up outside Notre Dame to finish our bus tour. Which we still didn't do, but whatever.

13. Jumped off at Arc de Triumph to climb to the top. It was a mere 248 steps to the top, totally worth the views.

14. Dinner at Le Petite Ozio, an amazingly friendly and delicious Italian resturaunt. Wined and dined for 3 hours on Pinot Grigio, Bruschetta de Prusciutto, Gnocchi Gorgonzola, and Pasta alla Victoria. AMAZING. Even more amazing was the bathroom. Here's the situation: you walk down a hall covered walls, floor, and ceiling with astroturf. Immediately before the kitchen, take a right into a black door. Once inside, you flip a switch to find that said bathroom is lit SOLELY by a spotlight hitting a mini spinning disco ball. That's right. Not a typo. The remaining decor is black subway tile from floor to ceiling and 3 blue candles. Lovely's convinced George Michael was bussed in to decorate.

15. Left the resturaunt singing "Faith" by the man himself. Continued to sing alternating Disney princess songs and show tunes until we found ourselves at the Eiffel Tower. Our favorite Metro stop. After taking some photos (and being solicited to buy tiny Eiffel Towers about 100 times), we took the metro home.

The End.

Goodnightersons.